The Authors...

Steve Dillon. 

For most of his life Steve Dillon lived on a small island off the coast of California. He was often criticized for living on an island as he suffered from a crippling fear of water often retorting “it’s only an island if you look at it from the water”. 

Eventually, Steve grew up and became the Police Chief of the sleepy little town, earning the respect of the simple folk that dwelled there. A string of aquatic deaths caught the attention of the ever-diligent Chief Dillon and after consulting with a marine biologist he was sure they were dealing with a killer shark. 

Steve demanded the Mayor shut the beaches but to no avail. With the 4th of July weekend fast approaching the Mayor was too concerned about publicity and tourism – if the beaches were shut, no tourists would travel to their world class beaches on the biggest holiday of the year. 

Soon the Mayor would eat his words, as the killer shark rose from the deep and devoured a small boy. 

Chief Dillon enlisted the assistance, and boat, of an old seadog named Quint and the marine biologist from earlier on in the movie. They ventured out to kill the… wait… movie? Huh? 

Oh shit… That’s Chief Brody from Jaws. 

Well then who the hell is Steve Dillon? 

Pablo Santiago

Well he's all you'd ever want, he's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner. Well he always knows his place. He's got style, he's got grace, he's a winner. He's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, He's a Lady. Talkin' about that little lady, and the lady is mine.

Well he's never in the way, always something nice to say, oh what a blessing.
I can leave him on his own, knowing he's okay alone, and there's no messing. He's a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's a lady…. 

Wait… this is just the lyrics for Tom Jones – She’s a lady

*sigh*

Well, now I don’t have a clue who Steve Dillon and Pablo Santiago is…